Anger and Aggression

How we deal with stress, disappointments, and frustration determines the essence of our personality. Anger upsets at least two people--the aggressor and the aggressed against. There are two problems: how to prevent or control your own anger and how to handle someone aggressing against you. Here we address self-control.

Anger wears several faces. Frustration tells us "I'm not getting what I want" and eventually anger is related to violence, crime, spouse and child abuse, divorce, stormy relationships, poor working

conditions, poor physical health (headaches, hypertension, GI disturbances, heart attacks), and emotional disorders.

Anger can be the result of hurt pride, of unreasonable expectations, or of repeated hostile fantasies. Besides getting our way, we may unconsciously use anger to blame others for our own shortcomings, to justify oppressing others, to boost our own sagging egos, to conceal other feelings, and to handle other emotions (as when we become aggressive when we are afraid).

Any situation that frustrates us, especially when we think someone else is to blame for our loss, is a potential trigger for anger and aggression.

So, what is frustration? It is the feeling we get when we don't get what we want, when something interferes with our gaining a desired and expected goal. It can be physical (a flat tire), our own limitations (paralysis after an accident), our choices (an unprepared for and flunked exam), others' actions (parental restrictions or torturing a political prisoner), others' motives (deception for a self-serving purpose), or society's injustice (born into poverty and finding no way out).

Anger is feeling mad in response to frustration or injury. You don't like what has happened and usually you'd like to get revenge. Anger is an emotional-physiological-cognitive internal state; as such it is separate from the behavior it might prompt. In some instances, angry emotions are beneficial; if we are being taken advantage of, , for example, anger motivates us to take action (not necessarily aggressive) to correct the situation.

While aggression is usually a result of anger, it may be "cold" and calculated, for example, the merchant who overprices a product, or the unemotional gang attack. When our aggression becomes so extreme that we lose self-control, it is said that we are in a rage.

Aggression must be distinguished from assertiveness which is tactfully and rationally standing up for your own rights; indeed, assertiveness is designed not to hurt others. Anger can also be distinguished from hostility that is a chronic state of anger. Anger is a temporary response, which we all have, to a particular frustrating situation; hostility is a permanent personality characteristic which certain people have.