Common Domestic Violence Myths[i]

Myth #1: Domestic violence does not affect many people.

It is believed that domestic violence is the most common, but least reported, crime in the United States.

Myth #2: Domestic violence is only physical abuse.

Physical violence is only a part of a larger pattern of abuse which also includes psychological, emotional, sexual and/or economic abuse. Sometimes there is no physical abuse, but the abuser will use the other forms of abuse to exert power and control over an intimate partner.

Myth #3: Domestic abuse is just a momentary loss of temper.

Domestic abuse is just the opposite of a “momentary loss of temper.” The abuser makes a conscious decision to abuse. It is an ongoing technique to enforce control through the use of fear, and it is part of a pattern of abuse.

Myth #4: Domestic violence only happens in poor families.

Domestic violence occurs throughout all levels of society and in every racial, ethnic, and religious group. There is no evidence to suggest that any income level, occupation, social class, or culture is immune from domestic violence. Wealthy, educated professionals are just as prone to violence as anyone.

Myth #5: Domestic violence is just an occasional slap or punch that isn’t serious.

Victims are often seriously injured. Over 30% of the women seeking care in hospital emergency rooms are there because they have been injured by their domestic partners. Abused women are more likely to suffer miscarriages or to give birth prematurely

Myth #6: Drinking or drug abuse causes domestic violence.

Abusers use alcohol and drugs as an excuse for violent behavior. While there is correlation between substance abuse and domestic violence, one does not cause the other. However, substance abuse does lower inhibitions and may increase the frequency and severity of the abuse.

Myth #7: The victim can always walk away from the relationship.

Victims believe that they do not have any place to go where they will safe from the abuser. The abuser often knows the victim’s friends and family members and can find a victim who leaves. It takes money, a support network, and time for planning to ensure that a victim can escape.

Myth #8: If the abuser is truly sorry and promises to reform, the abuse is going to stop.

Remorse and begging for forgiveness are manipulative methods used by abusers to control their victims. Abusers rarely stop abusing; in fact, the abuse will almost always get worse as time goes on.

Myth #9: If the violent crime episodes don’t happen very often, the situation is not that serious.

Even if the violence doesn’t happen very often, the threat of it remains a terrorizing means of control. No matter how far apart the violent episodes are, each one is a reminder of the one that happened before and it creates fear of the one that will happen in the future.

Myth #10: Victims have the types of personalities that seek out and encourage abuse.

A number of studies have determined that there is no set of personality traits that describe victims of domestic violence. It is the abuser who is responsible for the abuse, not the victim.

Where to get help:

National Domestic Violence Hotline

1(800)799-SAFE (7233)

1(800)787-3224 (For the hearing-impaired)

Also, for further assistance, see other related topics. If you would like to speak with someone from the EAP, call our toll free 24-hour hotline at:

1(866) 443-3277

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[i] It Shouldn’t Hurt to Go Home, The Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence, May 1999 6