How to Help a Friend Who is a Victim[i]

Here are some suggestions for helping a friend who you have reason to believe is a victim of domestic violence:

1. Bring up the subject.

Don’t be afraid to let your friend know your concerns. Say that you can see what is happening, and that you want to help. Let your friend know that they are not alone.

2. Acknowledge that your friend is in a very difficult, scary situation.

Let your friend know that the abuse is not their fault. Encourage our friend to express any feelings of hurt or anger or humiliation. Don’t be judgmental. Remind your friend that the abuser, not the victim, is responsible for the abuse. Remember that it may be difficult for your friend to talk about it with you.

3. Don’t buy into your friend’s denial.

If your friend refuses to acknowledge that they are in a dangerous situation, let your friend know that you believe it and that you are concerned about their safety.

4. Respect your friend’s right to make decisions.

Let your friend find his or her own way to decisions. Don’t start with what you think your friend should do, or insist on following your plan.

5. Discuss domestic violence with your friend.

Help your friend identify the domestic violence. Discuss domestic violence programs, and the services they offer. Give your friend information about the local domestic violence program.

6. Go with your friend.

Accompany your friend to medical care. If your friend is going to the police, to court, or to see a lawyer, offer to go along. Let your friend do the talking.

7. Plan safe strategies with your friend.

If your friend is contemplating leaving an abusive relationship, help to develop a Personal Safety Plan. Make sure your friend is comfortable with the plan. Never encourage a friend to follow a plan that doesn’t put safety first.

Where to get help:

National Domestic Violence Hotline

1(800)799-SAFE (7233)

1(800)787-3224 (For the hearing-impaired)

Also, for further assistance, see other related topics. If you would like to speak with someone from the EAP, call our toll free 24-hour hotline at:

1(866) 443-3277

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[i] It Shouldn’t Hurt to Go Home, The Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence, May 1999 14