Keeping your Kids Bully-Free[1]

If you think your child is being bullied at school, ask your child. Many kids won’t volunteer the information. They may feel ashamed, embarrassed, or afraid. You need to take the initiative. If you suspect your child won’t talk to you about it, approach the topic indirectly. Ask questions like:

“So, who’s the bully in your classroom?”

“How do you know that a person is a bully? What does he or she do? “

“What do you think about that?”

“Does the bully ever pick on you?”

“What does the bully say or do to you? How does that make you feel?”

If your child tells you he or she is being bullied, believe them. Ask for specifics, and write them down.

Don’t!:

Confront the bully or the bully’s parents. This probably won’t help and might make things worse.
Tell the child to “get in there and fight”. Bullies are usually stronger and more powerful than their victims. Your child could get hurt.
Blame your child. Bullying is never the victim’s fault.
Promise to keep the bullying secret. This gives the bully permission to keep bullying. Instead, tell your child you’re glad that they told you about it. Explain that you are going to help and that you will also ask the teacher to help.

Contact the teacher as soon as possible. Request a private meeting. No other students should be present, and ideally no students except for your child should know that you are meeting with the teacher. Bring your written record of what your child has told you about the bullying, and share this information with the teacher. Ask to see a copy of the school’s anti-bullying policy. Stay calm and be respectful; your child’s teacher wants to help.

Ask what the teacher will do. Get specifics. You want the teacher to:

Put a stop to the bullying.
Have specific consequences for bullying in place, apply them toward the bully, and keep you informed.
Help the bully change his or her behavior.
Help your child develop bully resistance and assertiveness skills
Monitor your child’s safety in the future.

It takes time to resolve bullying problems. Be patient.

Help your child develop bully resistance skills. Role-play about what to say and do when confronted by a bully. Here are a few suggestions:

Stand up straight, look the bully in the eye, and say in a firm voice, “leave me alone!” or “Stop that! I don’t like it.”

Stay calm and walk away. If possible, walk toward a crowded place, or a group of friends.

If you feel you are in real danger, run away as fast as you can.

Tell an adult.

Ask your child for suggestions. It is great if he or she comes up with an idea and it works!

If you need additional assistance, contact GHE HealthCare, Inc at 866/443-3277.

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[1] Viewpoints on Parenting Magazine, Vol. 3, No. 3, p 4. Also available on http://www.viewpointsonparenting