Who are the Victims?[i]

Statistically, most victims are women.

85-95% of all domestic abuse violence victims are women who are abused by their husbands or boyfriends.
Teenaged, pregnant and elderly women are especially at risk.
Even though most victims are women, men can be victims too.

Children can be direct or indirect victims.

They may be abused themselves.
They may be forced to see their parent abused in front of them.
The abuser may use threats to harm them as a means of controlling the victim.
They grow up seeing abuse as the natural way for domestic partners to relate to each other.
They grow up in an insecure environment filled with tension and violence.

Teens experience dating violence.

Teens are just as vulnerable to relationship violence and it is just as dangerous.
Teens may not seek help because they distrust adults.

Domestic violence can also occur in gay and lesbian households.

Gay and lesbian relationships are not immune to the pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors that constitute domestic violence.
Victims may not seek help because they don’t believe that help is available for same-sex domestic abuse.
Victims may fear that they will be judged or mistreated because of their sexual orientation.

The elderly and people with disabilities can be victims.

They may be abused by their spouses or partners, adult children, or caretakers.
They may be physically unable to defend themselves or escape from the abuse.
They may be physically or mentally unable to report the abuse to anyone.

Anyone can be a victim.

· Studies have found no characteristic link between personality type and being a victim.

· Victims cannot stop the abuse by simply changing how they behave.

· Everyone deserves to be safe from domestic violence.

Abusers typically:

· Have short fuses and become immediately angry.

· Deny that the abuse has occurred or make the light of a violent episode.

· Blame the victim, other people, or outside events for the violent attack.

Abusers don’t act because they are “out of control”.

Abusers choose to respond to a situation violently. They are making a conscious decision to behave in a violent manner.
They know what they’re doing and what they want from their victims.
They are not acting purely out of anger.
They are not only reacting to stress.
They are not helplessly under the control of drugs and alcohol.

Abuse is a learned behavior.

It is not a “natural” reaction to an outside event.
It is not “normal” to behave in a violent manner within a personal relationship.
It is learned from seeing abuse used as a successful tactic of control – often in the home in which the abuser grew up.
It is reinforced when abusers are not arrested or prosecuted or otherwise held responsible for their acts.

Abusers may even:

Express remorse and beg for forgiveness with seemingly loving gestures.
Be hard workers and good providers.
Be witty, charming, attractive and intelligent.
At times, be loving parents.

Where to get help:

National Domestic Violence Hotline

1(800)799-SAFE (7233)

1(800)787-3224 (For the hearing-impaired)

Also, for further assistance, see other related topics. If you would like to speak with someone from the EAP, call our toll free 24-hour hotline at:

1(866) 443-3277

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[i] It Shouldn’t Hurt to Go Home, The Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence, May 1999 6